The norm is what they experience in their family. My mother says the darkest period of her life was when her mother went to afternoon schools five days a week, from four to eight in the afternoons. She and her younger sister, 6 and 4, were left for the care of their father. He used the girls as servants, making them carry out nasty tasks, moreover terrorized them, beating them (mostly shaking, it doesn’t leave visible marks on the body) or forcing to stand on one leg for hours. If they released their other leg, grandpa came out with another elaborated punishment. There were various means of punishment for everything, even for talking or laughing. For the girls fear became a norm. They dreaded the afternoons but were happy girls with their loving mum.
In hindsight grandpa might have missed his wife in the afternoons, and his frustration took over his behaviour. On the other hand it is fact that he never had much feelings towards his daughters and grandchildren. He was cruel and sadistic. The girls were tortured in many ways, for four years. When the mother was at home, everything looked perfect. The girls never complained, nothing came out, except for one occasion, when their father threw the younger sister through the closed window, right out to the street. She needed medical attendance with serious cuts. She still has scars on her forehead.
My grandfather passed away 16 years ago. We celebrated granny’s 60th birthday when my aunt brought up life in her childhood, referring to the scar on her forehead. She told her story to my kids. Granny was shocked. She said, “darling, your memory is failing, it was an accident. How can you blame your father?” Auntie laughed bitterly. She said she had been threatened not to tell the truth, so she had said, it was an accident. My mum and her sister started to tell their side of the story. Granny was shocked. She didn’t have the slightest idea about what was going on while she was away. The girls never ever complained to her. In fact the girls were equally shocked. “We thought”, they said, “that you knew about it.” “No, I didn’t”, replied granny. ”You looked normal, no beating marks, no complaints….” She felt terribly guilty. She could have stopped her husband if she had known about it.
For the girls the torment was the standard. They didn’t have much experience in the world, so they accepted it as it was. They thought this is the way life goes on.
We read similar, or more gruesome cases in newspapers, topped up with slavery and sexual abuse. Studies report that worldwide one child is abused in ten, either physically or sexually. Most of them think this is the typical way of living and they don’t complain. Mostly they don’t comprehend, definitely don’t consent and can’t change their situation. The abuser can be anyone, not only family members.
So what is the lesson to learn? That children don’t always speak out when they face abuse. We are all responsible for them to look for signs, either you are a friend, a relative or a neighbour. In case of any suspect the best person to check a possible abuse is their closest, caring relatives, doctor or teacher, who know what to do. We can help when we know about the problem.